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I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

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Perhaps keep the sexist jokes out of a book meant to help patients with a mental illness that skews female? My biggest beef is that he portrays people with a BPD diagnosis as irrational, sociopathic, narcissistic monsters.

See how he calmly smiles and shakes his head as the harpies (his words, not mine) thrust themselves upon him! It will explain what to expect, how to avoid verbal arguments that only worsen the situation, and how to deal with mood swings, rage, impulsive self-destructive behaviors, or even suicidal tendencies, threats, and attempts. If “The Truth will set you free,” then Support and Empathy must accompany it to ensure it will be heard.Divorce also opens up young children to abuse by non-family members who are brought into their lives -- boyfriends, step-dads and step-brothers and step-uncles who are more likely to abuse a child who is not theirs. The authors claim that someone with four or five of these symptoms would be classified as a person with BPD. In most cases, these manageable aches and pains contrast with rewarding feelings of intimacy and shared happiness to create a healthy balance.

You may not be able to care much about yourself, and think marriage will end this, and then find yourself in the alarming situation of being married but emotionally unattached. Yet, oddly, when you do praise them, they brush it suspiciously or distrustfully aside, refusing to accept their good qualities, explaining them away. If your partner pulls away, asks for space, or wants to leave you, you might feel compelled to take extreme measures to repair the relationship, potentially crossing boundaries. Rather than using case studies to support a scientific understanding, build empathy, and show success in treatment, case studies are a never ending competition to one-up earlier chapters in a context of 'that's crazy!Indeed, others who know this person may even doubt your description of their troubles and difficulties since they remain unfamiliar with that side of them. Given the pain of such a situation, most would say your best bet is to leave and simply find someone healthier. From what I've read, not just in this book, it seems alluded to that BPD sufferers will be prone reliving trauma, and that the narcissistic and cruel personality is like ice-cream to them.

There was no medication when the 1st edition was published, so this is an all-new chapter -- and it's clear the author doesn't understand any of it. I've read some reviews where people absolutely lost their minds about some of the info this book had to offer. Even more seriously, you may eventually learn that this person is engaged in a pattern of impulsive, self-destructive behaviors, in an attempt to feel more alive, administer self-punishment, or to cry out for help - which is simultaneously needed and resisted. Firstly, you may find yourself running across this pattern repeatedly, even seeming to be a magnet for such personalities. I’m not a psychiatrist but even I KNOW you need to validate people’s feelings, not tell them they’re wrong, ESPECIALLY when you don’t know what they’re going through.I read this book, skimming the case studies in later chapters, as it was a doctor recommendation, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who's trying to understand and come to terms with a diagnosis as it gives a bleak and relatively negative/narrow-minded view as to prognosis, even with therapy and medication. So take it from someone who's been working an inpatient psychiatric unit for going on 12 years and wishes they had read this book when they started out, everything in it is spot on.

Since it is a stereotype, as you read through the following scenario, you may not feel that your partner, past or present, displays all of the qualities described. But although it doesn't necessarily play a Sympathy Card in any respect, I couldn't help but feel slightly deflated after reading it -- particularly after the section discussing the BPD sufferer's affinity/attraction to narcissists, sociopaths and abuse. Anyone familiar with how BPD is diagnosed knows that there are several combinations of factors leading to the development of BPD as well as varying symptoms (9 of them to be exact). Mental health issues are explored in a gentle, understandable way to make it easy for non-professionals to read.

This book teaches in depth how to understand certain behaviours and emotions experienced by BPD sufferers. Perhaps you have been lucky enough in love that this scenario, familiar to all too many of us, seems strange or even unbelievable. While I learned a lot from the book I have major problems with some of the gendered terminology and examples.

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